When a co-worker dies, from an accident, illness or violence, others may find it difficult to be on the job or concentrate at work. Below are a few things to keep in mind.
Business as usual? Not yet. Expect that your work will be affected in some way by the event. You may not work as efficiently or get as much done for a while. You may find that you need some time to cope with your feelings of loss. You may feel a mix of shock, sadness, anger, guilt and denial. Working through these emotions eventually leads to acceptance and peace of mind. Ignoring them may prolong your process of recovering from the loss.
Keep in touch: Others share your feelings. Talking about your feelings can be a great relief for both you and other co-workers. Talking about your sense of loss, sharing memories and stories of the deceased can be helpful. Allow yourself — and others — to cry or express your/their emotions. Some may feel responsible for the loss: “If I had ______, he/she might be here today”. These are common feelings and it is important to talk about them.
What you can do? You can take action to help yourself and others cope with the loss. Many organizations hold a memorial or have a ritual (planting a tree, hanging a plaque in honor of the deceased). Remember that healing takes time. Grief is not a step-by-step process. You will experience you own unique way of surviving the loss. The goal is not to “get over” the loss, but to integrate it with other life events. The following ideas have helped others regain control of their lives and find peace within themselves.
- Talk about your loss. Experiencing loss through death may be one of the most traumatic events of your life. Remember, what you are feeling is normal. Talking about your loss will help you to cope with these difficult emotions. Counselors, clergy, support groups or trusted friends can be of great help and comfort.
- Read about others who have experienced a similar loss. Reading others’ works can help you realize that your feelings, thoughts and actions are normal. Others’ experiences can give you strength and help you to understand your own personal grieving process.
- Write about your feelings and thoughts. This can help you to clarify your thoughts and feelings, make them easier to deal with and less frightening.
- Take care of body, mind and spirit. Bereavement is very stressful. Pay attention to your lifestyle: (rest, nutrition, recreation, sleep, exercise, and self-nurturance.) Find ways to release anger in constructive ways. Avoid using alcohol or drugs. Be gentle with yourself.
- Know when to seek help. Seek professional help if you don’t begin to feel better over time, if you have had thoughts of suicide, or if you are abusing alcohol, drugs or medication to cope, avoid or numb your pain.