The loss of someone close, especially as a casualty during deployment or war, is one of life’s most stressful events. It can leave you so numb that you have difficulty recognizing the reality of death or coping with its impact on your life.
Even so, you’re forced to deal with ideas that cause a great deal of pain. We know, for example, that a refusal to acknowledge “the facts of death” is a disservice to the dying and the living alike, but doing so forces the acknowledgment of how real this situation is, and it hurts.
This fact sheet was not created to make the pain go away–unfortunately, nothing can do that for you–but to help you understand the intense emotions you’re experiencing or are going to soon feel.
Background
Bereavement literally means “being deprived by death.” It describes a process all people go through when someone close dies. Each person experiences this process differently, but there are some characteristics common to most instances of bereavement:
- It doesn’t progress in an orderly fashion.
You probably won’t find yourself moving systematically from one well-defined stage to another. Instead, you’ll probably drift back and forth from what might best be described as overlapping, fluid phases of anger, denial and acceptance.It involves emotions and behavior that wouldn’t be described as normal under other circumstances.While some people benefit from professional help to cope with their grief, you shouldn’t automatically interpret emotions or acts as a sign that you’re losing your sanity. - It’s frequently complicated.
The initial numbness makes the later physical and emotional upheaval all the more frightening, or seem a sign of weakness but it is not. Grieving is a healthy, necessary process, and refusing to grieve may postpone inevitable reactions that build up into later crises. - By design, bereavement is self-centered.
You need all your energy to cope with your emotions. Resist the inclination to put your own needs aside in an effort to meet those of your family; a healthier idea would be to secure outside support and guidance from a mental health professional.
Deployment Health Clinical Center (DHCC) Copyright 2007